Funny Kid Not Wanting to Get Picture

Jewish ad campaign

Old man Moskowitz was getting along in years. He decided to retire and let his 3 sons run the company (which manufactured a wide variety of nails). The sons thought they could increase market-share with some judicious billboard advertising.
Only a week later the old man was taking his usual Sunday drive in the country when he saw the first billboard ad. There it was - a picture of Christ on the Cross, with the caption: "Nails for Every Purpose. Use Moskowitz Nails."
The old man immediately met with his 3 sons to voice his concern. He explained that the backlash could be horrendous. The company could be ruined. The sons agreed to discontinue that ad.
A week later the old man was again taking his usual Sunday drive when he saw the second billboard ad. There it was - - a picture of the same cross, empty, with Christ crumpled on the ground below... and the caption: "Next Time Use Moskowitz Nails."

Dating in 1962

It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1962 and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue.
He arrived at her house and rang the bell.

"Oh, come on in!" Peggy Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred in.
"Have a seat in the living room. Would you like something to drink? Lemonade? Iced tea?"

"Iced tea, please," Fred said. Mom brought the iced tea.

"So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?" she asked.

"Oh, probably catch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the malt shop,
maybe take a walk on the beach..."

"Peggy likes to screw, you know," Mom informed him.

"Uh...really?" Fred replied, with raised eyebrows.

"Oh, yes!" the mother continued. "When she goes out with her friends, that's all they do!"

"Is that so?" asked Fred, incredulous.

"Yes," said the mother. "As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!"

"Well, thanks for the tip," Fred said as he began thinking about alternate plans for the evening.

A moment later, Peggy Sue came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture wearing a pink blouse
and full circle skirt, and with her hair tied back in a bouncy ponytail. She greeted Fred.

"Have fun, kids," the mother said as they left.

Half an hour later, a completely disheveled Peggy Sue burst into the house
and slammed the front door behind her.

"The Twist, Mom!" she angrily yelled at her mother. "The damned dance is called the Twist!

A cop knocks on a man's front door late one night

and he asks to see a picture of the man's wife. "Sure," he says, a bit puzzled. The man produces a picture from his wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer takes one look and takes a long, deep breath.
With difficulty, he looks the man in the eyes and says, "Sir, I'm sorry to tell you this, but your wife's been hit by a truck."
The man replies, "I know, but she's got a great personality and she can really cook."

How many 12 year old girls does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

11; 1 to actually put the lightbulb in, and the other 10 to take hundreds of pictures and upload them to Facebook.

In California...

Did you know that in California you cannot take a picture of a woman with a basket of strawberries?

...you need a camera because strawberries do not take pictures.

A blonde cop pulls over a blonde driver

A blonde cop pulls over a blonde driving her car. The blonde cop says "You were going pretty fast back there. Can I see your license?"

The blonde driver looks confused.

The blonde cop says "Its a little square thing with your picture on it"

The blonde driver reaches in her bag and hands the cop her makeup mirror.

The cop takes the mirror, looks at it and exclaims "Well why didn't you tell me you were a cop? On you go. Have a great day".

One of my favourite jokes. Might take a minute to sink in...

I saw a guy having an epileptic fit in a nightclub. Everyone was just standing around watching, pointing at him and talking about it. "Look!! That guy's having a fit!!" etc...

I said "Why don't you take a picture? It'll last longer."

A blonde cop pulls over a blonde speeder

A blonde cop pulls over a blonde speeder. "Can I see your licence ma'am?"

"My what?" says the driver.

"Your licence," says the cop, "It's the little square thing that has your picture on it."

"Oh!" says the driver and hands over her compact.

The cop takes one look and says, "Oh, I'm sorry ma'am. I didn't realize you were a cop."

Baked Beans.

One day I met a sweet woman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my wife and told her that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my wife seemed excited to see! me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
She then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as she was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. She made me promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my wife was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my wife returned, apologizing for taking so long. She asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured her I had not. At this point, she removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"

How many sorority girls does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to change it, one to take pictures and four to make t-shirts for the event.

A guy goes into a bar...

He sits and ask for 2 beers. After he finished them, he take something in his pocket, look at it, put it back and ask for 2 more beers. After he finished them, he did the same process and ask for 2 more beers.

After he did it 4 more times, the bartender intrigued ask the guy what's in his pocket.
- Ohh its just a picture of my wive! When i'm drunk enough to find her attractive I know it's time to go home.

You can explore taking a picture take reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean taking a picture profit dad jokes. There are also taking a picture puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

I need to get one of those gadgets for my camera so I can take pictures of myself.

I think it's called a narciss-stick.

A Marine received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home...

It read as follows:

---

*Michael*,

*I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is too great and too long. I must confess that I have cheated on you twice, and this situation is not fair for either of us. I'm really sorry.*

*Love, Elizabeth*

*P.S. Please return the picture you have of me*

---

The Marine, his feelings hurt, asked his fellow Marines for any snapshots they had of mothers, sisters, girlfriends, cousins, ex-girlfriends, or aunts they had. After a while he had obtained a sizeable collection, and so he stuffed them all 62 of them into an envelope, including the picture of Elizabeth, along with this letter:

---

*Elizabeth,*

*I can't quite remember what you look like. Please take your picture from the pile and return the rest.*

*Take care, Michael*

I hate taking pictures of mirrors.

The pictures always come out with some a**hole in them.

A woman goes into a pharmacy

She says to the pharmacist, "I'd like a poison that will kill my husband but make it look like he died of natural causes."
The pharmacist says, "Ma'am, not only can I not do that for you, I'm going to call the police and report you."
The woman takes out something out of her pocket and hands it to him. It's a picture of her husband having sex with the Pharmacist's wife.
"Oh, you should have told me you had a prescription."

How many feminists does it take to make a sandwich?

12

One to make the sandwich,

One to excoriate men for creating hunger,

One to blame men for inventing such a laborious recipe,

One to suggest the whole "putting meat in between two non-consenting flaps of bread" bit to be too "rape-like",

One to deconstruct the Bologna sausage itself as being phallic,

One to blame men for not making the sandwich,

One to blame men for trying to make the sandwich instead of letting a woman do it,

One to blame men for creating a society that discourages women from eating,

One to blame men for creating a society where women make too many sandwiches,

One to advocate that sandwich makers should have wage parity with Michelin star chefs,

One to alert the media that women are now "out-sandwiching" men,

And one to take pictures for her blog for photo-evidence that men are unnecessary.

If you find it hard to take pictures of yourself in the sauna...

You have selfie-steam issues.

Two Arabs sit in the Gaza Strip, enjoying a quiet pint of goat milk.

One takes out his wallet and starts flipping through the pictures.

"This is my oldest son. He's a martyr. This here is my second son. He's also a martyr!"

The second Arab nods, They blow up so fast, don't they?"

A guy asks a bartender for a shot

After drinking it, the guys looks into his pocket and says, "Hit me again."

The bartender pours more liquor into the mans shot glass. The man takes the shot, looks into his pocket, and says, "Hit me again."

5 shots laters, the bartender asks the man, "Sir, why do you keep looking into your pocket?"

The man replies, "Well, you see, I have a picture of my wife in here. And when she looks good to me, I'll go home."

Got a password lock

that takes a picture whenever someone tries the wrong password to look into my phone.
Now I have fifty pictures of drunk me.

I tried to take some High Res pictures of my farmland and fields.

They still came out pretty grainy.

I hate taking pictures at the beach...

They're always so grainy

Been married for 20 years

Been married for 20 years, but I still carry my wife's picture in my wallet. Whenever I face difficulties in life, I take out my wallet and stare at her picture. And It comforts me knowing that... If I survived being married to this psycho, I can survive anything.

How do you take a picture of an eclipse without a camera?

Stare at it for 30 seconds

A guy takes a shot at a bar and looks in his shirt pocket

A guy takes a shot at a bar and looks in his shirt pocket. He calls the bartender over and asks for another shot. Again, he downs the shot and looks back in his pocket.

He continues to do this and the bartender finally says, Every time I️ pour you a shot, you down it, look in your pocket and order another. What's in your pocket?

The guy responds, A picture of my wife. When she starts to look good I'll head home.

Two Arabs sit in the Gaza Strip (NSFW)

Two Arabs sit in the Gaza Strip, enjoying a quiet pint of goat milk. One takes out his wallet and starts flipping through the pictures.

"This is my oldest son. He's a martyr. This here is my second son. He's also a martyr!"

The second Arab nods, They blow up so fast, don't they?

Why couldn't the press take pictures of the fastest superhero?

No Flash photography.

What's better to have at home, Jesus or a picture of Jesus?

The picture, it only takes one nail to put it up!

I used to read shampoo bottles while on the toilet..

But now with smartphones I can just take a picture of the bottle and read it anywhere!

A blonde cop pulls over a blonde driver

The cop tells the driver "License please."

"What is a license?" the driver answers.

The cop replies "it goes in your wallet, has a picture of you on it..."

As the blonde driver digs through her purse, after a while she pulls an object out, looks at it for a second, smiles, says "Found it! Here you go officer!" and hands a mirror to the cop.

The cop takes off her aviators, looks in the mirror, rolls her eyes, and hands it back to the driver.

"If I knew you were a cop, I wouldn't have pulled you over!"

Why aren't there many pictures of the Sphinx from the back?

People get uncomfortable taking pictures of its sphinxter

Whats the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus

It takes 1 nail to hang a picture

Becky discussing with her friend Karen

Becky: Last week, my uncle was taking pictures of me and asked me to climb up a ladder so he could get a better angle.

Karen: did you do it?.. it was just an excuse to see your panties.

Becky: I know. That's why I took it off before climbing the ladder.

A man is sitting at a bar...

Orders a shot, pulls a picture out of his shirt pocket, looks at it, takes a shot. Same routine repeats 6 more times. Bartender asks: "Hey buddy, next round is on the house, if you tell me what your routine is all about".

"Ok", says patron, "I have a picture of my wife in my pocket and I look at it before I drink. When she starts to look hot, I know it's time for me to go home"

I met an old drunk at the bar

He had a picture of his wife in his pocket. Almost every hour, he'd take it out and look at her. I asked him why and he replied, As soon as she starts to look pretty, I know it's the time to go home.

How many millennials does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. They sit in the dark and cry while posting blank pictures to instagram

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

It only take 1 nail to hang the picture.

My friend is making a lot of money by taking pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.

It's like shooting fish in apparel.

A guy walks into a bar

He sits down and orders a drink. After he finishes it, he takes out a picture and looks at it for a couple minutes before putting it away and ordering another drink. He repeats this a few times always looking at the picture in between drinks.

The bartender gets curious and says "Man I have to know, what picture are you looking at?"

The man says "Oh, it's just my wife. I don't go home until she's pretty!"

LPT: An easy way to make money is to take pictures of salmon dressed in a formal outfit.

It's like shooting fish in apparel.

I went up to this girl and asked if she could take a picture of me, and she said yes.

So I handed her a framed portrait of me and walked away.

My Siberian cousin was kidnapped while taking a selfie.

In Soviet Russia, pictures take you.

A blond cop pulls over a blond and asks for her drivers license.

.
The blond starts looking through her car then asks, "Uhh, what are they again?"

The blond cop replies, "Ugh. It's the thing in your purse with your picture on it."

"Oh yeah," says the blond who reaches in her purse, pulls out a compact mirror, and hands it over.

The blond cop opens it, takes a look inside, hands it back, and says, "I'm sorry ma'am. If I knew you were a cop, I wouldn't have pulled you over."

Are you Blonde?

A blond cop pulls over a blond and asks for her drivers license. The blond starts looking through her car then asks, "Uhh, what are they again?"

The blond cop replies, "Ugh. It's the thing in your purse with your picture on it." "Oh yeah," says the blond who reaches in her purse, pulls out a compact mirror, and hands it over. The blond cop opens it, takes a look inside, hands it back, and says, "I'm sorry ma'am. If I knew you were a cop, I wouldn't have pulled you over."

A guy walks into a bar and orders a shot..

The bartender hands him a shot of whisky, the guy drinks it down, looks at something in his shirt pocket, then orders another one.

The bartender gives him the 2nd shot, and same thing, guy drinks it, looks in his shirt pocket then immediately orders another.

After 5 more shots, the bartender can't take the mystery any more, and says to the guys "You keep looking at something in your shirt pocket every time you take a drink, what do you have in there?"

The guys says, "It's a picture of my wife. I keep drinking until she looks good then I go home."

The easiest way to make money is to take pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.

It's like shooting fish in apparel.

Bought a new camera today…

and wanted to test it out. I was looking for a good subject and found a salon where a guy was cutting a woman's hair. I went in and asked him if I could take some pictures. He said she wanted a rainbow look, and it would be great to get some before and after pics to capture the coloring process.

That's when I shot a man, just to watch him dye.

What did the shirt say to the pants?

What up britches!

(At a photography studio today, taking an extended family picture with like 15 people there. This is what the photographer said to get us to smile. I couldn't stop laughing, and was beet red. We had to wait for me to calm down. I'm a middle age married man with teenage kids , it was great fun seeing my girls roll their eyes at dad, that couldn't stop laughing at a dumb joke.)

James takes his date to the prom

They get to the building, and there's a long line to get in

They go to take pictures, and there a long line for pictures

They go to get flowers, and there's another long line for flowers.

James is fed up with all the lines, so he goes for some punch, and finds that there is no punchline

Want to know how to scare burglars off?

First: Put pictures of a tiger all around your house.

Second: Put a cat litter tray in your hallway and take a dump in it.

How many Karen's does it take to hang a picture.

1, if she talks for long enough the picture will hang itself.

A guy was in a bar drinking beer. He would finish his beer, pull out his wallet and look at a picture of his wife, keep it inside, order another beer, take out his wallet, and look at a picture of his wife.

He did this several times.

Finally, the bartender asks, "After you finish a beer, why do you take out your wallet and look at a picture of your wife?"

The guy says, As soon as she starts looking better to me, I go home.

Bad news

George had responded to a call from his lawyer, insisting that they meet at once. He arrived at his lawyer's firm, and was ushered into his office.

"Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?" the lawyer asked.

"Well, if those are my choices, I guess I'll take the bad news first."

"Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars."

"That's the bad news?" George was stunned? "If you call that bad, I can't wait to hear the terrible news."

"The terrible news is that it's of you and your secretary."

I love cooking rice for dinner but…..

whenever I try to take a picture of it, it comes out grainy.

As a food photographer, I've always hated taking pictures of rice

They always come out too grainy

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Source: https://jokojokes.com/taking-a-picture-jokes.html

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